Presenting VNIS — Işık Barış Fidaner

In order to celebrate my first seven months as a postdoc researcher in Northeastern University in Boston [1] wherein I had moved seven months ago when I had left İstanbul, Turkey, I hereby launch a new e-mail service called VNIS, which means Visual Noninformative Indication Service. (Click here for the Turkish version)

As is well known, clock alarms have been one of the favourite auditory noninformative indication services used by the citizens of the United States as well as the immigrants and the nonimmigrants (such as myself) and even the Native Americans or those who are much more African than the rest of us who happen to live in this country for that matter.

These devices have very been popular as evidenced by the Daylight Saving Time (DST) convention to regulate their use. [2]

As successful as auditory indications have been, visual indications have also presented a very useful and feasible opportunity as a noninformative indication alternative eventhough they have remained unregulated and relatively underutilized.

I hereby present VNIS: Visual Noninformative Indication Service “for the boats that float by visual means”:

yoursign1

VNIS is a procedure where noninformative e-mails are sent by me with an expected frequency to a person who already know what to expect to see in those e-mails.

VNIS procedure:

— VNIS applicant fills the VNIS application form below and sends it to me at:

emladrs

— VNIS application will be either accepted or rejected and the applicant will hopefully be informed about this decision within the 72 hours following the application.

— If the application was accepted and the applicant was informed, then the applicant may expect to receive the VNIS that (s)he applied for.

— Otherwise, (s)he may expect nothing.

See the VNIS application form below.

Visual Noninformative Indication Service Application Form:

1) Please tick “Yes, I have been informed” below to indicate that you have been informed that this is a noninformative indication service that aims to convey exactly zero information, although service quality may vary and temporary incidental informative transfers of negligible positive amounts might take place. [3]

[   ] Yes, I have been informed.

[   ] No, and I’m not sure who have been informed.

[   ] In fact, I’m not even sure what this is all about.

[   ] To tell the truth, I’m not sure about anything, let alone whatever this is all about.

[   ] What’s going on here?

2) What is this all about? [4]

3) Of course!

4) Please indicate the expected frequency. [5]

5) Here is a sample VNIS e-mail:

email

[1] Thereby I definitively left behind the notorious “six months threshold”, which is absolutely irrelevant by the way — not sure who introduced that phrase.

[2] DST is such a fruitful convention that there are even countries (such as Turkey) that have switched to permanent DST the whole year to completely abandon “winter time” and enjoy “summer time” all year long.

4lturkiye-mulki-idare-sistemleri-haritasi1
See: “Turkey to stay on summer time all year round” (theguardian.com)

[3] If you receive any negative amount of information that exceeds 1 bit in total, please hesitate at most 10 seconds to contact me to ask for the reason. Refer to Figure 1 for any other possibility.

hesitate
Figure 1. Refer to this plot for any other possibility.

[4] Please leave the answer blank and consider this question not mentioned at all.

The present absence of any answer to this question will serve as the incontrovertible evidence that the VNIS indications have indeed been perfectly and entirely noninformative.

[5] Recommended setting: once a week.

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